hokay, sho- on day zere was thees little tiny shwadling little cow. the freakin' end

So there was a lobster... and then he died. Then someone ate him. He had a sad life, so you should support him by eating not eating seafood. Well, I applied for a passport. I'm going to france. Joyness. maybe I'll find a lobster. Have a nice (insert time of day here)! Here's a nice ransom note:
Dear (insert owner of stolen item here),
We have taken your (insert stolen item here). If you would like it back you should contact us or your (insert stolen item here) will not be returned. We are sorry (insert your name here) because we just realized you're looking at us. Here is your (insert stolen item here) and our apology, have a good (insert time of day here).
people

-Nyouku